So recently I put a post up to ask you for some ideas for my next blog posts and I received a Whole Lotta Love (Led Zeppelin fan right here!!) as well as some pretty great ideas on topics for my next few blogs. I kinda expected there to be a request for more gemstone or mining techniques and info but surprisingly enough pretty much each and everyone of your asked me to write about love, marriage, soul mates and the likes. I was surprised but actually very pleasantly surprised as these topics are truly at the center of many of my creations as well as my life work.
Those of you that are active followers of my social media accounts will have noticed I post a pretty fair amount of poetry dedicated to love, marriage and all things in between. On a personal level I’ve both enjoyed great highs as well as lows in both love and marriage, with one unsuccessful marriage resulting in a successful divorce. As as hopeful romantic (as opposed to a hopeless one) I have a great deal of believe and faith in the constitute of marriage, which is the exact reason that led me to my own divorce.
For me the concept of marriage prior to me actually exchanging my own vows, was something instilled in me as a very young girl, consisting of nothing more than to grow up to become a loving, kind and ever accepting and forgiving spouse to a man who would provide me with love, security and financial support. It sounded pretty simple to me and something I could definitely achieve. I spent my childhood and early adolescent life doing exactly that, priming myself to become this woman perfecting in all areas that would lead me to not only finding the perfect husband but to be the perfect spouse for him.
I entered my marriage with the belief that I had hit the jackpot! I had succeeded to not only find my perfect mate who would provide me with stability and security and we had successfully exchanged vows and had a fantastically and totally over the top big wedding with friends & family to celebrate this! And then reality hit…hard! I discovered that the man I had entered this partnership with was someone very different to the picture I had delusioned myself into believing him to be (which I’d like to add, was my own doing rather than his) and was not at all someone I was able to grow old(er) and stronger with, quite the opposite. After many years of being stuck in a cycle of victim-bully games I ended up ending the marriage and starting my journey into rediscovering myself and the meaning marriage entailed for me.
A long road followed that required me to completely strip myself of any and all beliefs and programming I had received from my family, media and society in general and explore & discover what I believed marriage and a successful partnership looked like to me. I’m going to take the opportunity to insert a little disclaimer to say that the beliefs I’m about to share with you about marriage and partnership are MY beliefs and MY truth, not the absolute truth. Each and everyone of you is free to fill in the picture and meaning of marriage for yourself, what works for me may well not work or go along with your beliefs for you and your life.
What I discovered is that before I could commit and say those magical words “I Do” to someone else, I had to first be willing to do this to myself.
The part of exchanging vows on your wedding day, for good or worse, in sickness and in health, to have and to hold, til death do us part, is something I had to first learn to be willing to do with myself. I had to learn to accept and forgive myself for any mistakes I made, instead of beating myself up and wanting to be perfect in each and every moment, I had to accept that I was simply doing my best in each and every moment, learn to stand by myself in moments where I would fall down and help myself get up again, be my own cheerleader cheering myself on every step of the way to self acceptance and self love, taking myself on dates to the cinema and restaurants, doing exactly those things that I expected my ideal partner to do for me and simply go and do them for myself. Give myself pep talks on bad hair days or days where I didn’t want to get out of bed feeling such a failure at life and love (self pity was definitely my middle name for a good while!). I had to learn and accept that the family and security I had longed so much for whilst growing up was something I had to learn to create for myself, and lo and behold, it wasn’t actually half as hard as I had made it out to be in my mind! I finally saw that the person I would spend the rest of my life with, accept in good times & bad times, until death do us part, was ME! And divorce simply wasn’t an option.
So I ended up getting married exchanging my vows with the perfect partner, MYSELF!
Is this the end you ask? No, not at all. This is only the beginning of a lifetime journey into loving myself and learning to accept myself as I am and learn to accept others in my life and my future partner or husband as they are. This is the foundation on which I will be able to receive love from someone else who is also learning to accept and love themself as they are and grow old(er) together, with one another, and support each other lovingly, forgivingly, in love. To hold space for each other during good times and bad, without judgement, in pure acceptance and love. To this person I will say “I Do” wholeheartedly and lovingly, exactly as they are, not as I expect them to be or have made myself believe them to be. He will not “complete” me as I am whole already, but rather enjoy a journey of learning to grow, love & play together. I believe with my whole heart that he is roaming this earth at this very moment in time, on his own journey into self acceptance and self love, and that our lives will join one another at the divinely perfect moment. I’m in no rush for this and am not seeking him, for he will find me and embrace me wholly when the time is right. Until that day I will continue to grow and rise in love, both with myself as well as those that are already part of my life.
With love as my core inspiration, I have dedicated my life and made it my soul mission to create beautiful pieces of jewelry art, all created in love for love in all shapes and forms. For those that are to enter their new journey into marriage, for those that are in their journey of self love, for those that wish to gift jewelry as a toke of their love for their wife, girlfriend, daughter, mother, best friend, feel free to fill in the blanks.